Never stop fighting till the fight is done.

I have a good job.  Some would say a dream job.  I work for a great non-profit that has an innovative idea and when they decide to take that idea public, I will share it here.

I work for two great women and my boss is one of the best I have ever had.  I have learned a ton.  I work from home, part-time and make my own schedule.  If I get too busy with the kids or one of my many volunteer commitments, I can work late night or over the weekend.

However, since Dad died, I have found little time to work.  I could blame that on estate demands but the truth is that I have been wildly distracted.  I keep coming to the same conclusion… this is hard. Losing your parents (my mom died 4 years ago) and becoming a 45-year-old orphan is much tougher than I had every imagined and I had spent a lot of time imagining what losing him would be like.  So I was really happy when I found this blog “Life as a widower”.  Not because of the subject.  The blog tells a heart wrenching story and I encourage you to read it.  I was happy because in this particular post the author talks about the effects of grief on work and cites motivation and confusion as ways that grief can effect work.  Which was good to know and explains why the job I loved two months ago became the bane of my existence but left me asking, two months in “Shouldn’t I be over this and back to normal”

So I as I ponder these questions, I do so without a job and the determination that in that extra hour or so I will write.

Writing is really scary. I hate criticism.  Being noticed or singled out literally makes my skin crawl and my voice shake.  Which made what happened today a little disconcerting.  One day after I decide to write a personal blog, the information I put on that blog was used for political gain.  I thought about deleting my blog site but then I remembered what he would have said…stay and fight.